You are a man. Really!? (an article for men)
We are not born men, we are becoming men while we pass successfully the tests of life! I invite you to read my last article dedicated to men passionate of their personal growth. And of course to the women who want to know us better. An article dedicated to women on the same subject will come soon.
Let’s start with the beginning… Attraction and game. Falling in love.
Yes. The joy of the beginning is full of fascination and energy. We are waking up in the morning thinking about her, and when we are waiting for her on a date, we are full of excitement and effervescence. And it’s beautiful, isn’t it! The meeting of two souls creates a state of pure joy. We don’t feel natural and we hesitate when we want to say something. We get involved into the game of attraction and seduction and we play like grown-up children.
After a while, we are challenged in the emotional way. Sometimes, the feelings are more difficult and make us to ask ourselves questions. There could be days when she is hesitant while talking with you on the phone, or maybe distant. So, you end up by feeling mistrustful, or even rejected. At a friend gathering, she could laugh heartily while talking to another man. Instantly, you start feeling insecure, and the first signs of jealousy occur. You start thinking that you are not good enough for her… Or maybe you are very relaxed and you are joking and she snaps you with a keen voice. You feel how your heart leaps into your mouths and a sensation of weakness/fragility floods all your body. Behind all these events, there are your own feelings, past experiences which are revealed. Maybe you have been rejected in other relationships, maybe you have suffered when she was distant and she wasn’t offering you the help you needed, maybe you have been criticized by your father… and, of course, the experience is repeating now as well.
But as Osho was saying: “The other one can make you suffer – this is your fear of vulnerability. The other one can make you suffer – this is the fear of falling in love. The reflection of yourself you will find in the other one can be ugly – this is the anxiety. You can run away from the mirror! But, avoiding it, you will not become more beautiful. This way, you will not grow up (improve yourself)…”.
From here you have the possibility to enter level 2 of the Game. This is the space of Vulnerability.
Yes, of course, you can live the Weakness. But nobody desires to be weak. Especially in front of a woman. But the Weakness exists only because you refuse “to feel” the rejection, the pain, the frustration etc. To feel means not to run away from the feeling! Take it as a part of yourself, understanding that behind the pain there is “a gift”. A deeper understanding which will bring you to another level. But, of course, it depends on you how much you want to grow up, to improve yourself, to develop. We are going back to the values! The values we have are leading our life and objectives…
When you accept the pain and the emotion, a paradoxical thing occurs. The Weakness transforms into Vulnerability. This doesn’t mean everything is suddenly ok, but for sure there is more Peace within you. You understood that behind the feeling, there is a gift, even if you don’t perceive it as a whole.
As a man, this is an important key. On your way toward transparency and authenticity beyond masks. Improvement.
On this way, we get to live our feeling and to be vulnerable, we with ourselves. As a first step… though…
Though why is it so difficult for us, as men, to be vulnerable in front of a woman?!
I experienced many times the fear of woman. I couldn’t understand where so much fear from?!
What I discovered was that an intense fear of losing ourselves as men occurs. Fear of weaken the force and the clarity we were used to have. We become more distrustful, we don’t make decisions so fast. In certain extreme ways, we might lose our sense generally speaking. We become inertial but… this is not enough. The woman next to us starts feeling confused and starts worrying about our time spent in excess in front of TV or computer. At a point, she starts to take the Lead and to become firmer. As the English would say: “You are screwed!”, or the Romanian: “You are done!”. I wouldn’t like to go deeper into the causes of this situation. I would rather point that this kind of situation lowers the state of Presence of each moment, you indulge yourself, you have seduced her and that’s all, everything is set and “secure”. But you forget that the security doesn’t exist in essence.
And, moreover, what is happening when we are losing ourselves as men?! When we don’t feel men enough, we are actually “children”. As a consequence, I would say a deeper fear is the fear to become children again within the relationship with her. (who is a projection of your mother, of course). Yes, exactly! The mechanism is simple: we start feeling bruises, feelings, insecurity, doubt… and all these feelings “re-bring” us in the childhood atmosphere. And who was the first woman in our life? Of course. Our mother. When we opened our eyes, who did we see? – our mom, didn’t we? Everything that means “insecurity”, “vulnerability” brings us in childhood. However old we are, we are going back there. So, in the relationship, there is the risk for a man to become a “child”.
And going back to the fear of being Vulnerable. Of course we don’t want to be like children. What kind of woman would desire us this way? The self esteem diminishes drastically. And very important – the attraction and polarity within the relationship diminish as well.
If we see this only as a stage in our evolution as men? How would that be? What would we win?
And what is to be done for a change?
I have discovered 7 keys I want to share with you:
FIRST. Don’t sabotage yourself! Observe and leave your masks away. It is not necessary to play the seducer role, the macho guy or the romantic-tender one. Observe every “role” that your mind seduces you to interpret!
SECOND. Be real! Feel! Be yourself even if sometimes you are vulnerable! The important thing is to not consider yourself weak. Pay attention to the big difference between being weak vs. vulnerable!
THIRD. Make sport every day! Make a program, a discipline for a change and evolution. Express your “aggressive” energy! Do box, martial arts, etc.
FORTH. Appreciate the Woman! Don’t see her as an object, but as a human being! As long as you accept your “vulnerable part” inside you and more, it would become easier for you to appreciate the women. Because you “will know” how they feel and think.
FIFTH. Come back “to balls”! You know how it’s said: “The guy has balls or not…!” This is the center of your creativity, of your vital force! When we are too emotional and we don’t have the necessary discipline, we go in too many directions etc., the for sure we need to go back to our “center” of power!
SIXTH. Amplify your masculine energy and your testosterone, involving in the meetings of Men Circle. You will discover how much a fraternity of men will sustain you to follow your way.
SEVENTH. Be Present! Take 20 minutes each day to stay in Silence! To leave your mental noise away and only to observe the “clouds” of your thought coming and going away. This will help you to bring your Power back!
An article written by Veet.